Dammit. (Apologies in advance for any teen angst rambling)

I think talking a lot about it last night (or morning haha) made me slightly more reminiscent. Went and pulled out all the letters and had a good cry.

Thought I was making good progress, but maybe not. I didn't cry the last time, but this time I did. Dammit.

Was hoping I'd get there by Star Wars Day. But nope. I suppose it'd be unrealistic anyway. 6 months isn't enough I suppose. It was a long time.

Maybe it's just the season, or the month, or the conversation, but it's still always on my mind.

How sad is that? *sigh*

Now I'm just being emotional and angsty. ==" This is possibly THE MOST ANGSTY post i'll ever make, period. except the one about not having friends. that was pretty bad.

Was talking to one of my other friends about it and she was like "just do what you did last time. This isn't your first."

And it's not. But the first ended terribly, so i just hated their guts with a passion and also hated mine.And I didn't just hurt myself, I'm pretty sure other people close to me were hurt as well. From the stupid and selfish decisions I made.

This, in comparison, i suppose is like, coldly clinical in a way. (how appropriate.)

argh. Flying around throughout time and space seems like such a perfect escape right now.

---

Jin postulated that if i ever were to be a companion, I would need to run a lot, and thus I should get fit.

But i hate excercise!

But i want to lose weight, because you can't cosplay if your fat, you just look terribad.

---

Today talking to some med people, they were like "so you're not doing med, yeah?"

and i was like "yeah"

and he was like "that's good"

He musr have immediately known I'd be a terrible doctor. TERRIBLE.

probably because id be kinda like

Seems legit.

Bye.

sleeeeeep

I'm terribly sleep deprived. I stayed up almost all night (slept at 7am and woke up a 11am) becuase of accounting and economics tute hw.

Argh. I feel so behind on uni and it's only week 6.

I realised there's actually a SUPER attractive guy in my accounting tute that i never noticed before. Probably because i gave up on the hope of making friends with the girls and started to observe the males.

I've always thought he was like decently good looking, but he wore glasses today and BAM. INSTANTLY HIS ATTRACTIVE LEVELS SOARED.

Like i couldn't concentrate on accounts payable or all that jazz... too distracted by ultimatestudmuffins face...

lol jokes im not that superficial.

sort of. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

IM SO TIRED.

WHEN IM TIRED I DO SILLY THINGS PLEASE FORGIVE ME

argh

I haven't done my accounting quiz and it's due tomorrow. Nor have i started using peridisco.

Alysha can you please be more organised??

I tried to book a study room for tomorrow at uni library and i couldn't get anywhere at time later than 10 and earlier than 6 :(

i booked next week room though. a week in advance.

i just drank like almost a litres worth of coffee in an effort to stay awake today.

I don't think i did very well on the exam.

Today i fell asleep on the bus, and woke up halfway to wolli creek. I had to get off and catch another bus, luckily it came in 15 minutes instead of 30...

soba, steamed fish, stir fried vegetables and miso soup with shiitake mushrooms and tofu for dinner...

i felt good.

i actually like cooking. it's kinda relaxing. though time consuming.

---

i find that red lipstick automatically makes you feel sexier. If you're feeling down, red lipstick is definitely a way to perk up. Especially if it's the hallucination-inducing-kind like river song's ahaha.

---

went to sleep this morning at 3am, so when i woke up I was like, what time did i sleep in to, and when i checked the time, it said 6:30. My sleep beffudled mind was like "OMFG IT'S 6:30PM YOU SLEPT THROUGH YOUR EXAM!!"

and then i was like WAIIIIT. IT'S AM. IVE HAD LESS THAN 3HOURS SLEPT WHAT THE HELL AM I UP FOR.

so i went to sleep and then woke up at 11.

I missed my stats lecture and econ lecture. =="

we should be getting econ results back tomorrow :/

---

walking to uni today i looked up and happened to notice a hanging herb garden with lanterns.

I want one.

(i felt somewhat creepy and stalkerish taking this photo ahaha....)

kthnxbai (L)

Welp.

(I never liked the term welp but it gets used a lot and it seemed appropriate. I thought I posted this last night but turns out I saved it as a draft instead...)

Wednesday 17th
Exam tomorrow! I'm not going to do well, I don't really understand matrix rules.

I'm not Neo UNSW. I'm sorry.

Today I had to take my siblings to Chatswood for a dental appointment. I took them to Korean BBQ for lunch before the dentist ^^

And before you think it's cause I was being nice, it was purely because I've wanted to eat BBQ for a while, but it's sad for anyone to eat BBQ alone. Also you can only get one kind of dish. Also my sister speaks Korean.

(We didn't take photos of the BBQ cause we were too busy stuffing our faces nahahaha)

I want to eat ramen at a ramen store next :3 but I have to have more money first. Haha.

Walked around Chatswood for a while before catching a train home. Found a Korean grocery which had a crazy collection of instant noodles. Ill definitely be going back there :D

I bought 3 emergency lunch cup noodle flavours I think I've never seen before, and know I've definitely never tried before.

Also found a vinnies that was closing down, so I bought a bunch of stuff for $25.

Shoes were most expensive ahahaha...

I think I have a slight shoe addiction. Every time I go to any second hand store I almost always buy a pair of heels. Almost always.

Also I hate how buses to my place come so infrequently. And all 3 come around the same time too. Can't they space it out a little better? :(

But this is probably because I'm used to living on a metro line, so a bus that comes every 30 minutes during peak hour and every hour off it is incredibly frustrating.

I love metrobuses (y)

Never thought I'd ever say I love a public transport line, but there you go.


Coming back on the bus i realised that i got on the wrong bus, cause one bus stops halfway :( so i had to wait another 30mintues in the dark, and the cold (and the diamonds. lol jks no diamonds)

But i was sitting on the bus banister side ting cause when i got on there was no room, and the bar made me feel like i was on a kids rollercoaster ahaha....

When I got home I put groceries away, and my roomies had already eaten, so I made packet instant noodles!

And I was so hungry, I ended up singing about how hungry I was while I was making instant noodles.

---
The instant noodle song in cmaj.

I'm so hungry
I want noodles
Instant noodles
Too bad it's not instant
More like 3 minute noodles

Nooooodles are Taaaaaaasty
I hate maccas but I love fast food
FAAAAST NOODLES.
3 MINUTE NOOOOODLES!!

(Hum whilst inserting the occasional noodles and/or Hungus, hungry, yummy, shut up stomach etc until noodles are cooked)

*whilst pouring into bowl*

Everybody loves noodles!
Itadakimasu!

*eat furiously*

---

Really don't want to study tonight. But I think I'm going to not do so well, so ill probably stay up late and try and develop some kind of understanding haha...

MY ASOS JUMPER CAME!!! IMSOSUPERHAPPY! IT SAYS BITE ME AHAHAHA.

---

Roomies and I were sitting round the table studying when we started talking about clothing then sized then weight then boobs and one thing lead to another and on a high of caffiene and laughter we didn't stop rollinng around on the floor in hysterics for about 30 minutes.

People say going into a house with randoms can be kinda crap, but i love it so far :)

kthnxbai

Procrastination

despite having changed from uni to high school, methods of procrastination have not changed a  bit.

Alberto was adorable today. (i might as well make a new label - #notalecturercrush)

had my first self-instigated quiet time in a long time. It felt good. :) i hope this buzz lasts.

I told this guy from my tute that i wanted to buy a dr who poster that was on sale at uni, and he looked ad me and was like "geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek."

And i had nothing to say to that in reply.

also, like Aereas noticed, guys in maroon are everywhere.

(actually i keep typing that up as marron, which is french for brown, haha.)

and like I said on his blog, we can totally make a blogosphere game out of it.

we could totally make this into a game at uni. every time you see a guy in maroon pants, you should say bingo, and everytime you see a guy in a maroon anything else say winning.

just keep a small tally whilst 2 or more blogosphere members are meeting.

nahaha its in maroon, how appropriate :D

kthnxbai <3

KYCK day 3

KYCK was so much fun :)

i was really challenged throughout this series, and im really happy i ended up going :)

The bus ride back was super fun :D Singing the entire way :D hehe.

went home and played tekken and black ops with my siblings :)

talking to jin makes me realise i have a lot of embarrassing stuff on the internet i have to remove.... ehehe...

KYCK day 2

Today was pretty fun.

Writing warm and fuzzies, playing youth games, singing songs and watching dr who during breaks :)

Guardian Angel was terrible... My original plan of leaving prepared cup noodles, knocking on door and running went perfectly, but my second plan of action stuffed up and the person found out who I was :(

I think I'm the only one who's been caught so far haha..

But I wanted to show love so I worked hard. No regrets.

---

I was really convicted by the talk tonight, about loving everyone like Christ loved us

"For God showed us how much he lived us in this: that whilst we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

We are called to love like Jesus loved us, to love others with our life on the line.

To love purely, and to love completely.

And not to love just when it is convenient, or when we have the time and resources to love others, but whenever the situation arises.

For if we follow the God of Love, we must love as he loved us.

I find it very difficult to love people wholly, with an open mind. To great them with respect ad love and concern. Too encourage them and to share the gospel with them, for that is he greatest love we can do.

Because I hate people. I have like no faith in humanity, because I believe that we're corrupt and sinful. And I find it amazing that a God so perfect could love something as dirty and immoral and sinful me, let alone suffer pain and separation and death for my sake. It's a crazy love that I find hard to apply to my own heart.

But I suppose I must try. For only God can watch over me :)