hggggggggggggggnh.

Walking back while sun setting :)

Last few days...

I bought more stuff at op shop again. $5 patterned dress and $5 chambray shirt :)

The problem with buying regularly at an op-shop is that I now have a desire for EVERYTHING I BUY to be around op-shop prices.

Like i can't buy a nice $50-now-$30 dress without thinking "but i could get a dress from vinnies for less..."

op-shop hazard

---

Accounting was terrible.

That's all I have to say.

---

Is anyone else extremely confused about the timetables? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to book for next semester. :/

We don't chose the subject's we've already completed right? But you know how accounting is part 1A, does that mean there's a part 1B? I'm very confused.

---

Today I saw a bunch of cool baulko people, JL, MS, DL, DM, and we played Saboteur.

Was possibly the coolest break I've had in uni.

Thanks guys :)

---

I got snapchat, and it's actually kind of fun :) But i'm still quite addicted to gifboom. My sister saw me use i and said it was like a moving version of instagram without the insane amount of people.

She has lots of followers, she's just too pretty.

---

Made kimchi soup for dinner, because it's simply TOO COLD.

Twas actually quite nice, despite roomies's reservations at spicy tolerance, they managed to eat quite alot. :)

Also I did laundry, but the clothes didn't dry on time because it was too cold and now they're hanging on the banisters.
---

DOCTOR WHO SHOP OPENING UP SOON OMFG HAVE TO GO ON THURSDAY I HAVE COSTUME ORGANISED YES YES YES.

All i neeed is a fez and i'm good.

I HAVE MY BOW TIE. I MUST WIN.

---

Friday was very very weird.

If I were to put it metaphorically, everyone walks around with a tightly sealed box of secrets. And the box has many many many layers. And I feel that most people don't ever touch each others boxes. It's only if people chose to share them. And generally, I think that most people won't ever reach the centre of other people's boxes, the final tightly locked box that holds secrets people don't like to admit to themselves.

My box was accessed.

It was stupid of me, and i think i should have seen it coming earlier, but there's no going back now. The box is open and on display and now i'm not sure how to define the relationship/friendship anymore.

Most relationships have like barriers. A limit to how connected and how much you understand about someone. There are things that, despite all the time and closeness you share with someone, you'll never find out about them unless they choose to share it with you.

There was no choice in this. It just happened.

And I would take it back in a heartbeat, if just to go back to a semi-normal stasis of relationship.

I don't really now how to approach this anymore.

When you know so much about someone, where is the line? The barriers are down and I'm not sure if i feel comfortable being so exposed. It's scary. And I don't know where this is going to lead.

---

In CBS today we were talking about what Christian relationships should be (Ephesians 5:22 - 6:9) and it personally made me wonder about Christianity and feminism.

Like i don't think radical feminism and Christianity can harmonize.

Because women are called to 'submit in everything' towards their husband, just as the church is supposed to submit to Christ. And thus we are meant to help them, support them, love them and give ourselves to them.

But then again, men are supposed to love women 'as Christ loved the church.' So 'he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.' 

So it's not meant to be an exploitive relationship. Guys are supposed to lead women, but also to love and protect them, guard them and keep them holy. They wouldn't hurt them or exploit them or abuse them. And women and supposed to follow and support. But they're supposed ultimately make the Christian walk together. 

I think it's actually beautiful.

People consider me somewhat feminist, but really I only think that men and women should be treated equally, with respect and fairness. We have our differences and it's not like men and women are interchangeable  but it also doesn't mean that women are inferior to men.

But i think that you can't be a radical feminist and be Christian.

Maybe an equalist?

aha that just makes me think of avatar.

sorry for the rant >,<

kthnxbai.

Connect and Study Cram.

Stats exam tomorrow! Spent like (notevenkidding) 5 hours in Gloria Jeans today cramming for stats before Connect Leaders meeting.

I bought a coffee and a tea, trying to reduce caffeine levels... ahahaha....

not working... lol

I think it was fairly productive... ahaha....

before connect, i went and ate pizza with ML, cause he's doing connect too. What a cool guy.

I'm so unhealthy HAHAHA.

EXAMS TOMORROW OMIGOSH
3
I'm concerned im going to fail. ahahahaha.

Im too tired to study anymore... i think i just want to go to bed...

Also cause of the connect train and plan (which brought back baulko iscf memories tbh, haha kenny), i missed the latest ep of doctor who!

So sad.

Though i regret nothing.

I'm going to defs go to docsoc screening tomorrow.

I've put attending on it a couple of times, but i've never actually been, shhhhhhhhhhhhh LOL.

But tomorrow defs going, bringing by newly addicted friend along who has now caught up. (HAHA JIN)

Church was nice today :) We did Ecclesiastes and 1 Corinthians, which is what i'v been doing in my quiet times, so i had that fun "omigosh i know what he's talking about because i'm going over that now and now i understand EVERYTHING" moment ahahaha.

 Also, strangely, conversations in hash tag are kind of fun.

Statistics and Rice.

Today was productive, but i fear for my exam results. ahahahaha.

Went to rice leaders meet up and ate yummy korean food before it.

Really excited about serving :)

Although apparently we have to keep the topics and themes and songs and rehearsal space very hush hush.

I might accidentally slip info here... ahahahahha.

We had free noggi because guy is manager of the branch is also leader of Creative team.

Apparently we need to meet up to film the audition video for recruitment :D Excited and nervous.

When i got back to the house, tabbus was there! pleasant surprise ahaha.

kthnxbai

deep end

I tried to start my stats assignment today, but I had no idea what I was supposed to even begin with.

You know you are going to do badly when you dont even know what the question is asking.

I was all "yeah, tote going to get on top of my assignments, i can totes do this!"

and then i realised i had NO CLUE what i was doing.

I think i need to dedicate my ANZAC holiday completely to stats.

Until then, accounting cram aha...

(Alysha, shame on you, stats in tute exam is next week monday. you're going to have a bad time)

---


How AMAZEBALLS was Doctor Who ep this week? fuar i loved hide!

Best Ghost Love story every. ^^

---
I've always thought that Panty and Stocking were a messed up adults version of the Powerpuff girls, and apparently someone else did too, because i found this cross over illustration.

Haha. Can you see Johnny Bravo is the male on the cover of Panty's magazine?


---

Recently, a church friend has been very encouraging. I'm surprised, because since this year I've talked to him like maybe 4 times in total. (?) His love and passion for God is very inspiring. I hope I can be that enthusiastic in everything i do as well. He's actually kind of amazing. I would never tell him that though.

My sister was somewhat fan-girling him the other day, telling me about his story and how he came to faith in Jesus.

I can somewhat understand his passion after that.

I find that, in some areas of my life, there are people that i talk to that just make me feel motivated to do certain things. Talking to my cousin makes me motivated to learn Japanese and Chinese and Latin and French and Spanish and every other language in the world, talking to my sister motivates me to be a more caring and compassionate person, reading some people's blogs make me feel i need to work harder or be more creative, and talking to others make me feel like i want to be more of a lamp post for christ.

I feel very blessed to know so many amazing people :)

I have to work harder, haha.

---

(Long Christian passage, sorry atheists. But I hope you read it anyway, because this is important to me.)

I was asked to help lead Rice choir, and I feel that's somewhat a scary thing.

Because for me to lead something this big, it's a very big deal.

Not only because I know it'll be amazingly fun, I'm worried that i won't do it for the right reasons.

What if i just sing because i want to perform? But it's not a performance, it's about praise.

And i don't know if i can lead something one hundred percent thinking about praise.

And im not even including the extra work shifts and Connect leadership and INSANE STUDY.

But it's been in my mind, exciting my core, every minute since I was asked.

I remember at KYCK, whilst in the mosh pit singing praises, I felt that it was the most amazing experience, being able to sing.

And it felt amazing, because usually when i sing i care so much about how i sound, and i concentrate on every little thing.

But at that moment, when i swear i couldn't hear my voice in the massive crowd that were all jumping and singing praises, i didn't care what i sounded like.

And i knew that i wasn't singing like i normally do, because at that moment i was singing praise with all my heart. I felt moved. It felt spiritual.

Like I was doing something that was unlocked inside me, like i had found something that i had never found before.

I felt drained after the song, even though i knew no one could hear me in the crowd, I swear that I had just done THE MOST amazing performance of my life.

It was intoxicating.

People at my church call it one of my spiritual gifts, a gift i should be using for God. A voice that only unleashes when i sing praises.

And I know that in 1 Peter 4:10-11, it says:

¹⁰ Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. ¹¹ If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Every gift we have should be used to its fullest in him, for him

Yet to me, my gift is something that i feel i can get swept up in self-adulation with.

I know that my voice is something I am proud of. It's always been that way. Music is something i strongly connect to, and applause is something ive become addicted to since 6years old.

So something like singing at Rice, with thousand of youth in a concert hall, leading a choir and singing on a stage?

The very idea makes me quiver with excitement.

But im not sure if it's because i want to sing praises with thousands of people, and whip them up into that blissful state where you feel as if God is there with you, or if i want to sing in front of thousands of people to let them hear my voice.

Terrifying.

Ironically, I have terrible stage fright as well.

But that's irrelevent at Christian performances for me.

I suppose i never really care what the service thinks about my playing ability, because I'm trying to make the best worship experience for them through it.

Ultimately it's all for God, so who knows really...

I suppose if I pray about it, an answer will come eventually.

kthnxbai <3

Procrastination

despite having changed from uni to high school, methods of procrastination have not changed a  bit.

Alberto was adorable today. (i might as well make a new label - #notalecturercrush)

had my first self-instigated quiet time in a long time. It felt good. :) i hope this buzz lasts.

I told this guy from my tute that i wanted to buy a dr who poster that was on sale at uni, and he looked ad me and was like "geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek."

And i had nothing to say to that in reply.

also, like Aereas noticed, guys in maroon are everywhere.

(actually i keep typing that up as marron, which is french for brown, haha.)

and like I said on his blog, we can totally make a blogosphere game out of it.

we could totally make this into a game at uni. every time you see a guy in maroon pants, you should say bingo, and everytime you see a guy in a maroon anything else say winning.

just keep a small tally whilst 2 or more blogosphere members are meeting.

nahaha its in maroon, how appropriate :D

kthnxbai <3

KYCK day 3

KYCK was so much fun :)

i was really challenged throughout this series, and im really happy i ended up going :)

The bus ride back was super fun :D Singing the entire way :D hehe.

went home and played tekken and black ops with my siblings :)

talking to jin makes me realise i have a lot of embarrassing stuff on the internet i have to remove.... ehehe...

KYCK day 2

Today was pretty fun.

Writing warm and fuzzies, playing youth games, singing songs and watching dr who during breaks :)

Guardian Angel was terrible... My original plan of leaving prepared cup noodles, knocking on door and running went perfectly, but my second plan of action stuffed up and the person found out who I was :(

I think I'm the only one who's been caught so far haha..

But I wanted to show love so I worked hard. No regrets.

---

I was really convicted by the talk tonight, about loving everyone like Christ loved us

"For God showed us how much he lived us in this: that whilst we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

We are called to love like Jesus loved us, to love others with our life on the line.

To love purely, and to love completely.

And not to love just when it is convenient, or when we have the time and resources to love others, but whenever the situation arises.

For if we follow the God of Love, we must love as he loved us.

I find it very difficult to love people wholly, with an open mind. To great them with respect ad love and concern. Too encourage them and to share the gospel with them, for that is he greatest love we can do.

Because I hate people. I have like no faith in humanity, because I believe that we're corrupt and sinful. And I find it amazing that a God so perfect could love something as dirty and immoral and sinful me, let alone suffer pain and separation and death for my sake. It's a crazy love that I find hard to apply to my own heart.

But I suppose I must try. For only God can watch over me :)

KYCK - Night 1

Using my phone to blog feels strange. But I didn't bring my laptop to camp so I suppose I have to.

Economics exam wasn't too bad... Though it wasn't the first time I've ever sat an exam I didn't feel completely prepared for, it was the first time that my hand was shaking as I answered the question.

Though that could have been for other reasons...

What was an awks part of the day, a guy from BSOC cruise that I danced with on the night thinking if never see him again is in my tute. I swear I had never seen him before, because I usually sit with friends... But because it was an exam we got mixed around.

Guess where the tutor made me sit?

Haha.

I really really really hope he didn't recognise me.

I look different with make up on but not that different.

I must make sure I ALWAYS wear glasses to that econ tute, in an attempt to look different.

---

KYCK talk was amazing :D

It really made me think so much.

(Sorry to all the non-Christians out there, but ima gonna talk about it :3)

Our God is the God of love, who can love perfectly with pure and perfect intention. And to receive his perfect love, all we have to do is confess our sins. If we claim we have no sin, we are denying God and his reason for sending Christ.

But we don't confess our sins completely. We make excuses. Even when we apologise, we attempt to justify WHY we did that action. We don't confess our sins and admit to our wrong doings.

Intense. The talk made me think about what Christian belief is truly about :)

---

In my cabin, it's cute to hear the girls talking about school life. And boys and girls and relationships and stuff :) so cute

I'm getting tired...

kthnxbai

impulsive dance workshop.

Today was the household grocery trip. We caught the bus straight to bondi and bought every single kind of vegetable available. Then milk and bread. Then we went home :D

I love veggies :D

Also before heading to work i went thrift shopping (again) and i got the most scandalous skirt (because it was only $5.)

Like super scandalous.

It's black and has chains and looks like something a fairy would wear, if the fairy was a punk rocker fairy with a penchant for mini skirts under semi see through tutus and metal.

I want to wear it and also never ever ever want to wear it.

More embarrassingly, I have clothes that would match it that I would also never ever wear. 

I think i secretly wish for some society to have a punk rock emo themed night that i can wear all these clothes i secretly collect too. 

I dunno if I'm a sad person or not. 

haha.

---

Today at the library where i tutor, there was a free dance workshop that the kid wanted to go to, so i went and watched and ended up semi participating. 

Although i realllllllllly have bad co-ordination. My dancing is mostly limited to bobbing up and down and swaying side to side with the beat...

My foot movements are terrible. 

Which is kind of understandable because the only dancing i've ever done is in heels, and I prefer to keep my heels on the floor in case i stab someone with them :p

---

KYCK. I AM EXCITE.

Even though i'm a supervisor haha. 

I must be responsible for children and such

But i'll probably get sick and die... lol

---

I'm really sleep and I have not studied nearly enough for the exam on friday. 

COFFEE HITS. :D

It is at times like these I wish I was like Granger and had a time turner and could use it to study moar. MOAR STUDY TIME.

Also my brother showed me this video. 

OBVIOUSLY THE DOCTOR IS BETTER OK????

Although I wish it was Matt Smith haha. 

Fantasy Lands and Milk Pudding :)

So despite being ridiculously sick, thanks to my miraculous healing powers, i mangaged to overcome the nasuea and feverish friday evening with 18 straight hours of sleep (broken by the occasional drinking of chinese herbal crap and swallowing tablets and drinking rivers dry) to stagger out of the house on saturday to go to USYD and UTS open day.

Although i did miss out on Spring Fling, which is kind of sad.

To be perfectly honest though, having gone to USYD yesterday only affirmed my original decision: if not USYD law/arts, then USYD arts and then transfer.

I went to a  moot court session! It was amazing!  But everyone around me found the entire process incredibly boring, yet i was continually excited by every rebut and mention of a legal case.

I told this to my dad and he said "good. guess you haven't got that much competition after all" haha.

Also, the only thing i can say about UTS is that it's really very... fun looking. haha. Their open day was like a festival.

I liked the balloons :)

Also, it was nice to keep running into people that I knew all around USYD and stuff. Also, when i went to catch the train, i ran into some baulko kids literally waiting at for the train. So cool haha.

Although i literally came home and was so dead, i just collasped into bed and slept for another like 12 hours.

---
One thing i hate about being sick is that you can't breathe through your nose when you have a blocked nose. So you have to breathe through your mouth. It feels kinda wrong.

It also makes eating rather uncomfortable.
---

Today was pretty crazy, awesome lecture on Hebrews 5:11 to 6:12. Was scarily relevent to me... haha. But then, any passage on laziness and diligence, as well as leadership and development of faith probably would relate to any teen :p

What i liked about today was i got to go shopping for snacks :3

Bought some awesome japanese food, one i ate at the park and the other at home JUST NOW IT WAS SO TASTY.

 FIRSTLY, if you haven't been to fuji pan i really do recommend it. It's a super cute japanese bakery near chinatown that sells a large assortment (though perhaps not as large as breadtop) of asian buns. BUT it had what i've wanted to try for a long time: Japanese Melon Bread! Having read about it in mangs for so long I've been dying to try it, and now i finally have!

It kinda reminds me of Asian "pinapple" bread, but not sticky. It's really nice though! :)

Also, i had this just then, it's awesome! Eastwood Breadtop. (My mum went grocery shopping and i got hungry, so i bought a red bean bun and this to take home.) It's so cute, it came in it's own bottle and all, i couldn't resist.

And it tasted AMAZING, SO GOOD. Will probably be bought whenever i can get my hands on it haha. I have to learn how to make it...

Anyway. That's it on food.

---

So today we had FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT!!!!!! We watched John Carter.

And regardless of reviews it got (they were all pretty bad), my mum and I both agreed it was AWESOME. (Which is quite rare, we both usually don't like major movies and can predict the plot line.) There was this CRAZY TWIST and we were both like asodigjsoainrhwawieuphgaweirng!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha

I wish it did better, i would have LOVED a second movie.

Now i really want to read ALL the books :p

anyway, i should sleep soon.

Here's an awesome Doctor who/Avengers thing i saw that made me smile.

Dawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, Doctor Who, the ultimate wingman. :)

Bye guys!

Post crappness.

I love people.

Really. Some people just make me so happy whenever I see them :') I really love you guys.

Days like this make me think about the beauty of human relationships. Sometimes I just want to become hermit and hide away from the world, and never talk to anyone again and go buy a farm in Tasmania or English countryside somewhere and become self sustainable and never have to see people again, such is my mood and lack of faith in humanity. (Or quite possibly perhaps instead, it's a lack of faith in myself? I dunno.)

And then people do magnificent, seemingly small gestures that make me believe that there is hope, that not everyone is selfish, and that if you look hard enough there is always a legit reason why people act like such an ass.

So thank you guys. 

Speaking of things that cheered me up, I thought I should make a list to keep me in a positive frame of mind :)

- BT's mix CD. I'm listening to it now. It's really great. :) It's the kind of music I like to listen to but never know where to find it from haha.
- Skip Beat update :)
- Cake making plans with KF.
- Organising payments :)
- 9gag. oh that brilliant site of happiness
- this video.

Nothing like listening to Freddie to brainwashing yourself into HAVING A GOOD TIME, HAVING A GOOD TIME!
- Reading cooking blogs.
- Reading anything other than what i'm prescribed for school
- Watching The Voice
- Cleaning my desk
- Practising rapping like nicki minaj, because she has a great accent for my drama piece.
- Sharpening pencils
- Reading my ext2work.
- Playing with my adorable owl, pretending it bears a letter from Hogwarts...

- Home made coffee. I'm getting really good at making coffee at home, without a coffee machine. I can even make cafe style latte. The trick is this milkshake blender thing that is like 15 years old that I've been previously using to make bisques and creamy vegetable soups, because there's a blade in it that cutes things like pumpkin down so it tastes thick and smooth. But that's not the point. It looks like this:

And what I've been doing is using COFFEE TEA BAGS, which is quite possibly the best invention in the world, and also chai tea bags to make it.

But seriously, coffee bags are genius. It even lets you make those pretty designs in the froth :)

The important thing is to remember - in cafes they don't use much water. I've been watching the barrista's prep coffee whenever i went to the cafe (which was about 5 times in a week last week lol, i ended up getting soy latte a lot, because it has less fat and less caffine, but it doesn't help much haha) and they don't add water. Water is only used in the form of STEAM to super heat & froth your drink up. Which is why those instant coffee stuff doesn't taste good, cause you have to add too much hot water and not enough milk.

Anyway, if you're interested, i can write about how to make cafe style coffee/chai latte, with designs and everything. And it's dead easy if you have a tea bag. Or even you can make your own, they're not hard.

 NOTHING IS BETTER THAN COFFEE TO HELP YOU STAY UP AND DO MATH HOMEWORK.

REALLY. IT REALLY HELPS.

Also saw this on 9gag and found it to be my life right now.

I think they're all quite cute, so i followed the blog :) CHECK IT OUT.

So in the words of Veggietales,

God made you special, and he loves you very much.

Goodbye!

Easter :)

Here's something i read today, hard to swallow but good:

the dilemma: man the sinner owes God, on account of sin, what he cannot repay, and unless he repays it he cannot be saved.

There is no one who CAN make this (payment) but God himself.

But noone OUGHT to make it except man (cos we are the ones who have stolen from him by sinning).

Therefore it is necessary for one who is God-man to make this payment, since no one can do it except one who is trully God, and no one OUGHT to make it except one who is truly man.

how great our sins must be that only a God can repay it. And how perfect is Jesus sacrifice- so much that it can pay for all the sins of history.

This Easter, I hope you guys remember that Easter can change your life. Don't let it just change your day.

Happy Easter everyone :)